15 Winter Life Hacks To Help Keep You Warm And Happy

Here are 15 winter life hacks to help you get through the cold and the many annoying things that come with it.

1. Dry, flaky skin? Does your neighbor have a dog who barks 24/7? Here’s something that dermatologists will hate you for. Use coconut oil on your dry skin. Don’t forget to wash it off after you let it do it’s work though. Otherwise you’ll be walking around looking like a shiny mess. Next, put un-melted coconut oil in your ears to finally silence that pesky dog.

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2. On those few random warm days that show up during the winter, it might be a good idea to power wash your dirty undercarriage. Also, you can use one of those waving sprinklers to wash underneath your car to protect it from those damaging de-icing products.

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3. When wet snow is piling up, it can be a real hassle. It’s heavy and tends to stick to the shovel. I know your first instinct is to use a flame thrower to torch the driveway and sidewalk, but you know that not practically and is probably illegal. Here’s an alternative.

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4. Does your house have an old janky radiator that was installed backwards by a drunk HVAC Technician? Don’t want to spend your hard earned money a new system? Try this hack. Go grab the tinfoil you usually use to store half eaten pizza slices. Tape a piece behind radiator. This will help reflect the heat back into the room. If you have one of those jumbo rolls of tinfoil, try to cover the whole room if you can.

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5. For those who are concerned about fashion and want to stay warm while looking fly, this one’s for you. Apparently they sell fleece-lined tights. Get a pair of those if you are going to wear a skirt. If you don’t give a hoot about looking hip, I’d suggest going for old the long johns under the skirt look.

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6. Tired of soggy wet socks? Are your sweat pants soaked half way up the leg? Has your fedora become floppy? All of this suffering just to go out to the store for some soda and snacks during the winter? Here’s a little secret taken from the Yuppie Girls Handbook. Don’t wear cotton in the winter. Instead, cover yourself in itchy wool. It’s expensive, heavy, itchy, and slows you down. Best of all, it keeps away that uncomfortably swampy mess of a mixture of sweat and snow. Refer to life hack #1 to deal with the itchy rash that comes with covering yourself in wool.

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7. One of the worst things to happen during winter is when you walk out of work, tired and ready get home so you can drink yourself to sleep, and you find that your key hole and door handle are completely frozen. Here’s an easy remedy. Get out the hand sanitizer you normally compulsivly apply to your hands. Liberally apply it the both the handle and keyhole. Wait a minute for it to work its magic. Bam! Door open!

Here is another tip for those who are like me, and don’t carry hand sanitizer everywhere you go. This tip is taken from the Man’s Guide To Urban Survival. This one is called the “Whip it and rip it” de-icing technique. You probably didn’t go to the bathroom before you left work because you didn’t want to spend any more time in that dreaded place than you had to. Your bladder is still full from pounding coffee all day long. Relieve that anxious bladder on the handle and keyhole. Kaboom! Instant de-icer.

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8. WD-40. The WD stands for water displacement. The 40 refers to the amount of formulas it took them to make the stuff work. This substance is truly amazing. Not only can it help remove that wedding ring from your fat finger because your troglodyte of a spouse left your for some charming multi-level marketing schlub, it can also keep your cars keyhole from freezing over! Just spray some in the keyhole before you leave home and you’ll be unlocking that door with ease.  Refer to #7 if you don’t have any WD-40, or don’t want your key covered in the stuff.

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9. Soggy prune feet are by far the worst part of winter. Here’s a trick to waterproof your socks.

Take off those old stinky socks you’ve been wearing for two weeks straight. Put on a new pair. Now, grab a plastic bag. Grab two if you have both feet. Put the plastic bags over your socks. Grab another pair of sock and put them on over the plastic bags. Use your old socks if you only had one pair of freshies. That’s all there is too it.

If you don’t have plastic bags, here are some other things you can use: Shower caps, condoms, or Saran wrap.

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10. Do you always forget to put your windshield wipers up when it’s freezing out? Or if you, like me, are to lazy to put them up? Here’s a trick from the “Who Thinks Of Trying This Stuff? Handbook.”

Use rubbing alcohol to melt the ice. Use it in a spray bottle, or soak a cloth in it and wipe the frozen area. If you don’t have rubbing alcohol, you can also use Vodka, hot water, or warm your car up and wait for the window to defrost like normal people do.

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11. Feet cold? Have extra wool hanging around that you can cut up? Make your self a pair of itchy insoles that you’ll spend all day making and only wear once.

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12. This is new to me. I have never seen a ceiling fan with this option. Come to think of it, my house does not a a ceiling fan… Anyway, if you are going to use this hack, make sure you are not having a gassy day. Farts rise. This life hack can potentially push your toxic off-gassing back down into your breathing space if you are not careful.

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13. Yeah, ok. I’ll just park my car to the east and get a parking ticket for parking backwards on the street. This life hack only works if you have the option to park your car facing east. If you are like me, and live on a one way street with parking that faces west, do not follow this tip.

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14. It is thought that light therapy helps balance your body clock. If you get the winter blues, try out light therapy. The winter blues are sometimes referred to as seasonal affective disorder.  If you can not get a hold of one of these lights, the next best thing to do is to come up from your Mom’s basement and get some of that minimal winter sunshine. Also, vitamin D3.

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15. Is your sweater “all pilled up”? Grab a disposable razor and shave your sweater. In some circles of people who are squares, this is called “sweaterscaping”

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We hope you enjoyed these winter life hacks. Stay warm, drive safe, and try to go sledding at least once every winter (unless you live in an area without snow)

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