How often does someone insult you and you just can’t think of a witty response? Here is a list of funny and witty comebacks to prepare yourself for those otherwise awkward situations.
Frequently updated.
- I hope your day is as pleasant as you are.
- I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
- I don’t have the time, or the crayons to explain it to you.
- I’ve been called worse things by better people.
- I would agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.
- You aren’t acting like the person Mr. Rogers knew you could be.
- You have all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
- I wish we could be better strangers.
- Them: “You’re drunk!” … You: “And you’re ugly. But tomorrow morning, I’ll be sober and you’ll still be ugly”
- I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
- I hope they name a disease after you.
- That’s probably why you’re still working here.
- Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.
- There are two kinds of people in this world: people who care what you think, and people like me.
- I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
- Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Nice perfume/cologne. Must you marinate in it?
- I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being more intelligent.
- I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
- Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
- Do you hear that? That’s the sound of nobody caring.
- I could say nice things about you, but I’d rather tell the truth.
- You must have a low opinion of people if you think they’re your equals.
- You should do some soul searching. Maybe you’ll find one.
- You know, you started at the bottom, and it’s just been downhill ever since.
- Your face is such a mess, you really should stop reading before slamming the book shut.
- Is that your face or did your neck throw up?
- Wow! you’re really funny, but looks aren’t everything.
- Look, I really don’t have time to educate you, so you’re gonna’ have to take that responsibility on yourself.
- Hey man, it’s a free country. You have the right to be wrong.