Look. We all know bein’ awesome ain’t easy. I’ll bet most of the time you sit back and wonder, “How in the world does that guy do it?” He gets the chicks. He has wicked nunchuck skills… Everyone thinks he’s totally awesome. Well. You no longer have to worry.
With this 10 step program you will gain all the skills you need to become awesome. Let’s get started.
1. You need a nickname.
2. Act like you do not care what others think of you.
3. Have a nerdy best friend.
4. Become sworn enemies with anyone else that is cool.
5. Start a band
6. Buy a set of nun chucks at your local flea market.
7. Practice your nun chuck skills at least 7 hours a day. (Click Here for a nunchucks video tutorial.)
8. Learn how to do wicked moves like Blue Steel, Le Tigre, Ferrari and Magnum. (Click Here for a video example.)
9. Replace Chuck Norris’ name in all of his jokes with your nickname from step 1. (Click Here for a list of Chuck Norris Jokes)
(Your Name Here) doesnt sleep. He waits.
(Your Name Here) is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like (Your Name Here).
(Your Name Here)’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools (Your Name Here).
Some kids piss their name in the snow. (Your Name Here) can piss his name into concrete.
The chief export of (Your Name Here) is pain.
(Your Name Here) is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
(Your Name Here) counted to infinity – twice.
(Your Name Here)’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for (Your Name Here).
(Your Name Here) can play the violin with a piano.
The only time (Your Name Here) was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for (Your Name Here).
Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about (Your Name Here) during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
10. Make sure everyone knows you are better than them at everything. No holds barred. (Click here to learn what “no holds barred” means. You’ll need to know how to explain it when you add it to your vocabulary.)
*Repeat steps 1-10 until you get it right.
Now that you have learned how to be awesome go out and practice your new skills. You won’t be sorry for long.
Print out the picture below and hang it on your wall to remind yourself and other people that you are awesome.
(Click image for a printable version)